letting go of fear (a guest post by jennifer belthoff)

while we are soaking up the wonder of a newborn in the house, a few of my blogging friends are sharing some guests posts...enjoy today's musings by jennifer belthoff.

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I feel like a failure
I came here
Volunteering to be present
Seeking to be inspiring
And everything I write doesn't even sound like my voice

I feel like a fraud
These words
They aren't me
I do not write like this

I am fearful of writing something terrible
Fearful of disappointing a friend
Where is this sudden writing fright coming from?

This fear is keeping me from being myself
It is holding me back
And spewing out things that aren't me

I must take hold of the fear
Place it in my hands
Firmly let the fear know I won't hold on
Then gently let it go

Upon release
I can hear the words my heart are speaking
My hands flow easily across the page
I can see myself appearing 

Free from fear
Fully present
Opening my soul to the world 

~~
What are you able to see
When you let go of fear?

*****

Jennifer Belthoff is
a dreamer,
a writer,
and a collector of words.

She enjoys
soaking in the sunshine,
laughing with her family,
and connecting with people.

You can get a little view
of life through her eyes
at Giggling in the Rain
(http://www.sunflowers131.blogspot.com/).

on my serious side... (a guest post from kolleen harrison)

while we are soaking up the wonder of a newborn in the house, a few of my blogging friends are sharing some guests posts...enjoy today's personal story from kolleen harrison.

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kolleen and her son chandler

last weekend i woke up early, piled 3 of my 4 kids into the car and drove over to the beach for the weekend. my hubby was already there since he had a meeting the day prior.

as i was driving...i kept looking in my rear view mirror checking on my kids (as a mom tends to do, i think! right moms?).

each time i would do this, my sweet Chandler would be
smiling to himself,
talking a bit to himself,
laughing a little.

it made me stop and think...
i realize the fact that he has autism would seem like a curse to many.
and trust me at times it can be VERY difficult.
but that day.
that particular day,
as i was driving and watching him i had to stop and ask myself this...
for a second i wondered...

maybe the "non- awareness" actually is a blessing...
maybe the not knowing the evils and sadness that are in our world can be a good thing??"

i don't know...

i know Chandler has many struggles but quite honestly he doesn't really know that.
i know by society's standards "he is different"...but quite honestly he doesn't really know that either.
what i feel he does know is this...
he is very loved by his family,
his dad is his constant and sometimes he wishes i would have a baby (and it would be a boy) so he wouldn't be so outnumbered! (LOTS of women in this household!!!)

i am certainly not trying to "make light" of the fact that this precious boy was diagnosed at age 2 1/2 with autism...

i am simply trying to find the blessing in it...the positive.

thank you for listening...

*****

kolleen harrison is a mama to 4 crazy kiddlies and wife to one prince charming.

she loves paint on her fingers, music up loud, creating little pieces that emphasize optimism and positivity and in turn will make your heart smile!  

visit her at http://www.heartwingsisters.blogspot.com

stretch marks (a guest post from kelly letky)

while we are soaking up the wonder of a newborn in the house, a few of my blogging friends are sharing some guests posts...enjoy today's meditative writing from kelly letky.

*****

I watch as the years layer themselves across my aging body, this collage of tiny scars tracing lines along my curves, a living scrapbook of losses, gains, labor. These marks, they build up slowly, like rings inside a tree, not taking away, but adding beauty, character, strength.

Still this book that is youth is not closed to me, not just yet. Instead it whispers of its leaving, letting me down gently, preparing me for days to come, when creases will be furrows, bindings will crack, pages will be brittle.

For now, I am elastic. I spring back from the cause of each mark, my body repairs. Spinning cobwebs from dust to create this web that weaves itself around me, through me, over me. Not a trap, but a cushion, arms of solace, fragile cradle for my soul.

My body, this body, will give out on me one day. But not now, not today. I have miles, many miles, to walk before I reach my destination. I have traveled through the stories of my youth, the angst, the heartbreak, the disappointment, and landed on my feet. These feet that are calloused, hardened off by years of wear.

But I made it to this day. This day that is here, this word that is now. I keep my eyes wide, my heart open, as I wander down the path of shadow and birdsong, sunshine and silence.

There are times, every day, when I forget where I am. Forget everything but the crazy pattern of my steps. And then I come back to the present, not sure how many miles I've traveled, what chapter I missed while I was gone. But there is no reverse. No backtracking. And there is no standing still.

There is only forward. I listen as the breeze mumbles through the trees, telling secrets I will never know. Marks are scratched on the path as I move along, corners folded in, proof to track the passage of time. I don't look back, or down. I don't tally these days that are gone but not forgotten.

I breathe in, arms wide, embrace the moment. This one, the moment I'm in. There is only ever just this one.

I stretch to reach it. A new mark grows on my skin in its place. Evidence of life.

And still, I stretch.

I stretch. And I reach.

*****

Kelly Letky is a graphic artist, jewelry designer, writer, photographer, wife, mother, sister, daughter, crazy cat lady, friend, runner, knitter, gardener, and trying to be, above all, kind, caring, loving, generous, artful, and immersed in each and every moment. You can see more of her work and writing on her blogs at www.bluemusejewelry.com and www.mrsmediocrity.com. 

just be (a guest post from patty waite)

while we are awaiting the arrival of our little one or maybe by this time soaking up the wonder of a newborn in the house, a few of my blogging friends are sharing some guests posts...enjoy today's musing from patty waite.

*****

so often it seems i

look but do not see

listen but do not hear

touch but do not feel

sniff but do not smell

eat but do not taste

have you ever felt this way?  like life is passing you by and you didn’t really live it?  like a whole year just passed and you can barely remember more than a few really experiential moments?  it was, in part, this realization that prompted me to choose my word(s)-of-the-year for 2010: JUSTBE.

it won’t surprise anyone reading this blog that a lot of what i’ve learned about “just be”-ing, i’ve learned from one of the best role models around – that would be the lovely liz lamoreux!  i mean, reading her posts is like taking a little box labeled “this moment”, slooowly opening the lid, then digging into it with a little hand shovel, searching for jewels of buried treasure, pulling each one out and examining it, then putting each one back in the box, closing the lid and being that much richer for the experience.

so i’m making progress and doing better with the whole justbe endeavor.  and while i could never attempt to take liz’s place in this regard, i will share a few of my favorite “justbe” images.  my hope is that one of them might prompt you to pause and dig deeply into this present moment.

*****

About Patty: I am primarily a perpetual student of life.  I would love to discover your take on things and would happily share mine with you. My goal is to be open in all situations and to see both sides of an issue (as well as the lighter side!) and hopefully spread a little love along the way.

Secondarily, I am a photographer, teacher, writer, mixed-media and digital artist, seeker, presenter, back roads traveler and hiker and, most recently, hospice volunteer.

links:

website
blog
flickr
facebook 

mindful writing (a guest post by jennifer mcguiggan)

while we are awaiting the arrival of our little one, a few of my blogging friends are sharing some guest posts. enjoy today's wise words and invitation from jenna mcguiggan.

*****

The Chocolate Room, Brooklyn, April 2010

Last summer, I declared that I was learning to write badly:

I am learning to write badly. Don't misunderstand me: I can write badly. Very badly, in fact. But I hate doing it. I hate to write when it's hard and cumbersome and ugly. I hate to write when the words aren't flowing easily and every sentence feels like a Herculean effort laden with clichés. I hate to write when I don't know what I want to say or can't get to the heart of what I mean. And since I'm all about pleasure, I avoid the writing when it's hard and bad. But this doesn't help me as a writer. So today, and tomorrow and tomorrow for however long it takes for it to become more natural, I'm practicing writing badly. I'm practicing sticking with it even when I can hardly stand it. I'm practicing the writing process, no matter what the product looks like. I'm learning to write badly so that I can write well more often.

In the months since then, I have indeed learned to write badly more often. This is a triumph! I still have days when the words don't flow and I just want to stop trying until inspiration (that elusive lover) returns. But now, the difference is that I have more staying power to sit still and keep writing rather than fleeing to more palatable tasks like doing laundry or watching videos of adorable kittens online. I wouldn't go so far as to say my discipline has improved, but I guess that's one way to view it. (I've written about my preference for the term "enthusiasm" rather than "discipline.")

Of course, the end goal isn't to write badly. It's to keep writing, to keep honing my craft and using my skills, so that the good stuff has time and room to come out on the page. By increasing my commitment and quantity, I've also improved my quality. By working through the rough patches, I've opened up new fields where I can play and have fun with words.

This struggle with writing reminds me of the way people often describe the challenges of meditation. When I practice sitting calmly and try to clear my mind, it wants to get up and run around, showing me all of the things I should think about or attend to. My internal dialogue is similar for both writing and meditation. It goes something like this.

Okay, I'm concentrating. (Oh look, laundry!) Come back to the page. (This is hard. Wah!) Breathe in and out. (I need cute kitten videos right now!) Write a few more words. (Don't wanna!) Breathe and be still. (I need to call the pet groomer tomorrow.) Write.

Writing and meditation both require a certain paradoxical level of mindfulness and detachment. In meditation, I try to notice the thoughts that float through my mind and then let them go without attachment or analysis. In writing, I notice my resistance, and then I write another sentence without judgment. Meditation and writing both require ongoing practice. Breath by breath. Word by word.

Here's a mindful writing exercise for you to try.

The next time you sit down to write, notice how you feel if it seems to be going badly. How long does it take you to feel frustrated? What do you feel compelled to do instead of write? How can you bring your attention back to the story at hand? What helps you to push through and to keep writing?

Try this exercise a few times over the coming weeks and see if it becomes easier to be committed even when you don't feel the magic of inspiration. Notice if there is a certain point at which the magic shows up for you in the writing practice. Does this tell you anything about how you process or pursue your creativity?

I'd love to hear how your writing practice is going. Are you feeling enthusiastic? Meditative? Like you're engaged in a wrestling match? Please consider sharing your thoughts in the comments or sending an email to jennifer{at}thewordcellar{dot}com.

This post was originally part of In The Word Cellar, a twice-monthly column about writing. See other articles in the series here.

*****

Jennifer (Jenna) McGuiggan is a writer, editor, and writing coach who works with artists, writers, and bloggers. She is the creator and editor of Lanterns: A Gathering of Stories, a collaborative book of prose, poetry, and photography about women in creative community.

Jenna invites you to join her in The Word Cellar, which she envisions as a cozy, stone-walled chamber filled with twinkle lights, shelves of stories, nooks of books, and plush armchairs perfect for sharing your tale.

Visit her online at www.thewordcellar.com or email her at jennifer{at}thewordcellar{dot}com.

nine {with carla blazek}

Today's Nine interview is with the delightful and truly kindred spirit Carla Blazek. I remember coming across Carla's candle shop, Zena Moon, a few years ago and immediately knowing that this woman gets it. I mean candles with names like "everyday sacred," "honoring silence," "moving through change" paired with beautiful quotes and add in corresponding gem stones plus gorgeous subtle scents...ah, yes, please. Then, a few weeks later, I suddenly discovered her blog address coming across my stats. Is this the same woman? Yes! A fellow blogger as well. I was so thrilled to connect with this kind, smart cookie. And then her candles...if you have been reading be present, be here for a while, you know about my love affair with her candles. We first ordered them when I was going through a health scare. Lighting the "healing" candle each day invited me to feel like I had some piece of control in the midst of a scary experience. A few of the names of the candles one can find around these parts on an almost daily basis are: boundaries, namaste, serenity, owl, moon magic...and how the list goes on.

I am so thrilled to share Carla's answers to the Nine...

*****

Question 1: Who are you?

 

Question 2: What do you love about where you live?

Question 3: What might your perfect afternoon look like?

Question 4: If you had an hour alone in your studio/creative space, what would you do?

Question 5: Right now, what are some of your favorite things?

Question 6: What foods nourish your soul?

Question 7: When you need to simply take a breath and reground yourself, what do you do?

Question 8: How do you nurture your creative dreams?

Question 9: Does your heart have a secret wish you want to share?

*****

Carla Blazek is a writer, candlemaker and doggiemama. A longtime Seattleite, when life painfully fell apart she landed back in her hometown, Spokane, WA. Like many women in their 40s, she is in the exquisite, bewildering and exhilarating process of re-discovering and seducing herself as a single woman. New passions include photography, burlesque dancing, triathlons and calligraphy.

She is the founder and owner of zena moon, Oprah’s favorite candles (http://zenamoon.com). Her first book, Women at Rest, is nearly finished. You can find Carla at http://www.facebook.com/carla.blazek.

(All photos copyright Carla Blazek.)

*****

Nine is an interview series with creative folks that began in the Spring of 2009; the interviewees are asked to respond to the interview questions in photographs (or video). You can scroll through all the interviews here.

nine {with Stefanie Reneé}

The Nine is an interview series with creative folks that began on my blog, Be Present, Be Here, in the Spring of 2009; the interviewees are asked to respond to nine questions in photographs (or video). All the interviews can be found here.

Today's Nine interview is with the creative, beautiful spirit who is Stefanie Reneé. Stef's blog was one of the first I read in the summer of 2005. Her honest outlook and brave truth sharing pushed me to think about starting to share my own words later that year (and I am pretty sure she introduced me to the poetry of Mary Oliver). It was a joy to be able to finally meet her in person at Squam last fall and to shyly share the truth of how she has inspired me. Now, I turn to her book when I need a dose of that brave truth that she shares through her photos and words.

Enjoy this insight into the world of Stefanie Reneé...

*****

Question 1: Who are you?

Question 2: What do you love about where you live?

Question 3: What might your perfect afternoon look like?

Question 4: If you had an hour alone in your studio/creative space, what would you do?

Question 5: Right now, what are some of your favorite things?

Question 6: What foods nourish your soul?

Question 7: When you need to simply take a breath and reground yourself, what do you do?

Question 8: How do you nurture your creative dreams?

Question 9: Does your heart have a secret wish you want to share?

*****

Stefanie Reneé is a photographer, writer, dreamer and an artist in training. She lives in Northern California with her husband and two beautiful, hilarious daughters.

You might find her commuting over the Bay Bridge to her day job, roaming the hills of San Francisco with camera in hand or having dance parties with her kids.  She loves the sound of waves crashing on the beach, sand between her toes, juicy peaches, purple converse all stars, cozy cafes, the sun on her face, gumball machines and creating magic in a tiny corner of her apartment.

Visit her at www.stefanierenee.net