water: a practice, a companion, a teacher

water . customizable heart necklace in the shop

The word "water" kept showing up in unexpected ways this year. I think it began with this mug from The Universe Knows that I chose for myself when I gave them at the Pen & Paper Retreat in March. I started to think about what "be like water" could mean and why I was so drawn to the phrase.

mug from the universe knows

I kept picturing the way water flows in a creek through the middle of the woods as it turns and gathers small bits of things to carry downstream. It brought up the idea of creating space to invite in more ease and be open to the flow of things, especially things that are out of my control.

But of course water isn't always full of ease. There is the unpredictable power of the force that is the ocean. Standing at the edge of the ocean this summer while looking at layers of flotsam surrounding me, I had an image of the ocean as a womb that holds more than one could ever understand. Kind of like a woman. As I stood at the edge of the Pacific Ocean that day, I held hands with fear and bravery and made the choice to open up to an image of home while the waves crashed and the wind blew my hair and favorite green sweater.

Then there are the ways that I have felt parched this year. My body, my heart, my mind, my soul. Through the deep realization that I choose whether I water these parched parts of me came a new kinship with the word water. And it guided my decision to create a new series of programs with the theme "Water Your Soul."

In the last few weeks, the idea that I should claim this word as my teacher and guide kept tapping on me. I started brainstorming all it might mean: sea, space, salt, wave, parched, blues, flotsam, flow, lemon, quench, seaglass, womb, whales, kindreds, circling, mighty, ease, depth, courageous, lifeline, wandering, the earth's rhythm, the way home.

As I look to 2013, this is what I know: I want to create even more space within my home, my mind, my business, my family. I want to quench my unspoken desires. I want to invite in ease and trust the flow of things. I want to own all that rests inside me. I want to unearth my own unexplored darkness. I want to nourish and reconnect with my body. I want to spend more time with mother ocean. I want to find the rhythm of my own tide within. 

So I'm going to spend time with water this year. I'm opening up to what it has to teach me as I navigate whatever is to come.

Your Word

Are you choosing a word or phrase to guide you in 2013? I would love to hear about your word and why you are choosing it. Please share in the comments or send over an email. 

new three circles necklace in the shop

I am also excited to share that I've added a few new customizable options in the shop that would be beautiful talismans for your word or mantra of the year, including this new three circles necklace that can hold words from past years or multiple words or a short phrase.

If you are still looking for your word and feel drawn to choose one, think about doing the exercise I shared yesterday without a word in mind. You could just start writing, "2013 was the year I..." and see what surfaces for you. You could also explore the growing list of words and stories over on Ali's blog. So much inspiration found there. Or you could listen to my recording of the 2012 words over on Ali's site to see what word(s) taps at you.

And I feel moved to share that I am a "word person," so this exercise deeply speaks to me. I love words. I want to eat them with a spoon. And when I read poetry, sometimes I do actually feel like I'm devouring them. However, this practice might not speak to you. That is okay. Maybe there is a piece of art or song or quote that you see as a guide for you right now. Maybe there is a blessing, a prayer, a poem that you plan to reflect on daily or monthly. You can use this exercise as a jumping off point for so many ideas.

My intention with this practice is to give myself an access point for self-reflection each month. Working with the word "whole" in 2012 really pushed me to live deeper and wider and be less stagnant. I work with several mantras at any given time and often choose a new one at the beginning of a season or when something is shifting in my life. And taking the time to choose one word at the beginning of a new year just feels right for me.

a word to guide the way

My word of the year for 2012 has been whole. It has guided me throughout this year and truly acted as a companion during moments of uncertainty. Last year at this time, I wrote a post for Roots of She about how I hoped 2012 might look like if I lived from a place of "wholeness." I'm sharing it below because I think this is a beautiful exercise to do when thinking about choosing a word as a companion for the year. I have updated the closing of the post with a followup and to make it relevant for 2013. Tomorrow, I will share about my word for 2013. 

Living from Wholeness

For the last few years, I have worked with the practice of choosing a word to focus on throughout the year. I choose my word in December and then spend time thinking about it and journaling about it in early January. And I create a necklace with my word that I wear as a reminder throughout the year. This year, I also followed along with Ali Edwards and her “One Little Word” class.

I love how choosing a word invites me to let go of having resolutions I might or might not keep, and instead gently pushes me to look forward with self-kindness and think about how I most want the next year to unfold. As I think about all that could happen in a year, I want my word to be a companion that brings me back to center amidst whatever beauty and uncertainty await.

My word for 2012 appeared during a conversation with my friend (and incredible coach) Nona Jordan. As we talked, the word that kept appearing was “whole.” We talked about how, through my work I invite others to shine a light on their paths and their stories, and how I believe that in any given moment we can hold all that is real and honor it. We can hold the truth, courage, beauty, fear, and sadness that one moment can bring and still see the joy that surrounds us. This is living with an open heart. This is living with your whole self.

Yes.

And then Nona asked me a question that has deepened my experience with choosing my word: “What would this time next year look like if you leaned into living from a place of whole(ness)?”

As I thought about this question, I felt those pinpricking tears on the back of my eyes and began to breathe deeply as the answer settled around me, inside me. Here is a glimpse into some of the journaling I did after our conversation:

2012 was the year…

I showed up as me and shed how or who they think I should be.

I gave myself the gift of yoga several days a week.

I said “thank you” more.

I started fewer emails with variations on “I’m sorry it has taken me so long to reply…”

I trusted the answers I heard within.

I said “no” when my gut told me to.

I created stronger boundaries.

I shared the truth more.

I spent more time breathing than reacting.

I stood tall in the beauty and the shit that is each day, that is living, and I stayed true to me.

I gave myself the gift of knowing I am enough and believing it.

I learned to have more patience with my husband and remembered each day that he too is enough.

I spent more time nurturing relationships with my family and friends than I spent online.

I continued to let go of the expectations of others.

I opened my heart to love in ways I never thought possible.

As I read through this list again, I think I might stand in front of my bathroom mirror on the morning of January 1 and say, “As I focus on living with a whole heart in 2012, this will be the year I will show up as me and shed how or who they think I should be. I will give myself the gift of yoga…” and so on. I will say these words out loud and let these intentions sink into my cells.

Follow Up

As I look back on 2012 and the list of the ways I hoped to live from a place of wholeness that I wrote in my journal, I'm choosing to be gentle with myself. This year I learned that coming from a place of softness and ease is a piece of living from wholeness for me. No, I didn't practice yoga several times a week in the way I intended, but almost every day I did pause for a few moments to breathe, usually over a cup of tea, and to just be right here choosing to pay attention even on the days that were the most intense. This is living from wholeness...listening to what I most need each day to be able to show up as my whole hearted self.

This word whole will be one of my teachers and guides for the rest of my life. I will return to it again and again, and in 2013, I intend to begin each month as I did in 2012: writing in my journal using the prompt, "The ways I hope to live from a place of wholeness this month..."

An Invitation

As you look to 2013, consider choosing a word to focus on as a practice throughout the year. This word could represent what you hope to manifest or the light you want to feel as you experience all that is to come or the companion you feel you most need right now. Maybe you already have a soul mantra or phrase or quote that you use as you navigate your life.

After you choose your word or phrase, I invite you to think about what this time next year might look like if you gave yourself the gift of really living your word or phrase. Consider making a list that begins with “2013 was the year I…”

And if you want to carry your word with you, I'd love to create a Soul Mantra for you so you can keep it close.

what would happen?

In February of 2011, I was having a day that invited me to question my worthiness, my enoughness. I was feeling stuck in an old story of not being able to hear the kindness of others because my own self-doubt was so loud.

This contrast pushed me to give myself a pep talk of sorts. I turned on my microphone and recorded the words I would say to you if you were sitting across from me at my kitchen table needing an invitation to see that you are enough. The words became a love note to myself, to you, and when I came across the recording again this past weekend, I transcribed it (with a few little edits) and felt moved to share these words with you today (you can hear the original recording by clicking on "what would happen" at the end of this post):

As you sit in your corner today, what would happen if you just believed that your story matters?

What would happen if you just owned all the phrases that you say to others, the way you sign your emails to the ones you love, the way you encourage your friends with all of their pursuits in their life, what would happen if you owned that same belief that you have for your friends for yourself?

What would happen if you looked in the mirror and saw the beauty that others see when they look at you?

What would happen if you gave yourself permission to let hope bloom inside you?

What would happen if you listened to yourself when you experienced joy, if you listened to why, if you noticed why the joy comes up inside you when it does?

What would happen if you let go of wishing you were someone else and walked to the mirror and met for the first time the real you whose waiting inside you?

What would happen if you believed the kind things people say and write about you?

What would happen if you took the next compliment someone gives you and believed it?

What would happen if you quit looking at the phrase “I am enough” and thinking “oh yeah one day I’ll believe that” and instead just took it as part of your personal truth?

What would happen if you believed the phrase I am enough was part of your personal truth?

What would happen if you walked to the mirror right now and looked at yourself and saw the beauty that those who love you see?

What would happen if you walked to the mirror and let go of looking at the person reflected back at you and thinking “oh I wish her hair looked…if only she was…if only she was…” and instead of thinking if only she was, if you looked at the person reflected back at you and saw who she is?

What would happen if the next time the little girl inside you who loves to play with paint and paper or fabric or color or her camera or words, what would happen if you listened to her and let her play?

What would happen if you stopped trying to be that person that you aren’t and don’t want to be?

What would happen if instead you just were yourself?

What would happen if you walked across the room, down the hall, and found that mirror and looked at the person reflected back at you and chose love?

What would happen if you believed people when they paid you a compliment?

What would happen if you said, “you’re welcome” when someone said, “thank you” instead of saying, “oh it was no big deal”?

What would happen if you walked down the hall and looked in the mirror and chose to see love and chose to use love when you looked at the person reflected back at you?

What would happen if you spoke to yourself as softly and calmly as you speak to those you love? 

What would happen if you gave yourself the same space to just do the best you can that you give so many others?

What would happen if you walked down the hall and looked in the mirror and chose love when you looked at that reflection?

What would happen if you just believed that in this moment, in your corner, you are enough?

***

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What Would Happen

trusting my way to enoughness

Today, I'm in my studio as the rain falls on the roof as hammering words into lockets. The thoughts are tumbling a bit in the spaces between. I'm thinking about how so much of the work I do invites me to hold hands with trust.

When the fears and the not enoughness pushes through all the other thoughts, in those moments when I am so good at doubting and wondering if there is an audience for what I'm sharing or wondering why this happens and that doesn't and comparing and getting caught up in all that does not serve me, I'm trying to say to myself, "Come back home, to your wisdom, to what you deeply trust."

And then I find myself in that space where trust becomes grace becomes the magic of enoughness.

It isn't always easy to find that space. In fact, it often feels like trudging through a sticky mess. So this is why I think of it as a practice.

I practice creating that space when I take a deep breath before I pound "Stand in Your Light" into lockets. I practice creating that space each time I choose love over what should get done. I practice creating that space when I look in the mirror in the middle of the day and choose to deeply see all of who I am looking back at me.

I practice what trust, what grace, what enoughness might feel like and then I find myself again walking tall on the path that is home, that is me.

***

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there are things i want you to remember {8}

*****

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encountering . one

from the poem "Retrieval" by Arthur Sze 

This line of poetry stopped me in my tracks last week. Memory as encounter...as a hive...yes.

As I continue to settle in after the Unearth Retreat, I want to share a list of goodness that I've encountered in the last couple of weeks. Words and projects from kindreds that have caught my eye and inspired me...

Over on Chickadee Road, Stef is sharing a new monthly column we're calling "In the Creative Mama Trenches." Her honesty deeply inspires.

Jennifer Louden's wisdom deeply resonates again and again. Love the heart and soul in this post about putting a new offering (putting yourself, your truth) out in the world. Oh my gosh I needed these words!

Vivienne's post at Kind Over Matter about how it is time to stop being your own bully had me cheering out loud.

This post from Darrah about how sometimes words aren't necessary is simply gorgeous. 

Andrea's Creative Superheroes interview with Rachel Cole = pure inspiration!

Loving Kristin's short video about trust and seizing the day...it involves a glimpse of her chickens, which was oh my gosh awesome!

Of course I have to mention Positive Panties - the new project between Jenn Gibson of Roots of She and Amanda Oaks at Kind Over Matter. These girls make me smile big time. 

And then this post from my beautiful friend Jen Lee about why she's been keeping silent on her blog at times. This was one of those reads where I wish we had been sitting together on her couch whispering after everyone had gone to bed because I wanted to keep this conversation going.

saying yes

new mugs . one is waiting for you

Over here, I'm saying yes 

to making space for more beauty, more lightness, more me.ness

to more sewing

to laughing out loud while watching television while everyone else is asleep

to finally cleaning off the nightstand (and waking up and thinking i was in a new room)

to cranberry juice and 7up

to a whole new level of self-care

to playing with yarn (even if that means abandoning a project i'm not liking)

to reaching out to say hello

to soaking up so much goodness

to printing out more photos and putting them right on the wall with washi tape

to bringing in new ritual to my retreat preparation

And you, what are you saying yes to today?

PS thank you for your kind comments and emails about last week's video post. so grateful for you.

choose love

*****

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