home and grounded

i spent the weekend away from phones, cell phones, laptops, email, blogging, television, and responsibilities. it was a breath of fresh air. literally as we were tucked away in the woods in oregon. i am still a tiny bit under the weather though i think the fresh air and hot springs did help my ailing bits. i am trying to learn this lesson of doing enough. not doing everything. hmmm. it is not easy.
and even though i have been home for 24 hours, i am not quite in the swing of everything. but wanted to just share that my weekend retreat was incredible. my sangha, the group of people who made it through these two years and were able to attend the retreat, is amazing. these people have opened my mind and heart. i am blessed to know them. and my teacher has such a way with words and ritual and invites us to stretch in ways (literally, spiritually, emotionally, personally) we didn't plan on stretching. i spent time thinking about some things that have really pushed me. and recognizing some incredible gifts i have received over the last two years (and over my life).
one of these is this. during this two year yoga teacher training intensive, i have become grounded in my body. even though my self-esteem is still low when it comes to how i look, i no longer think about it all the time, just some of the time. i have confidence in the ways that my body can move. and i move my body whenever i want, however i want. i feel the strength of my hips and thighs, even if i wish that they were smaller. i feel my body. i feel it. i stand in front of people and feel strong and capable. this is new. and this is huge. an unexpected gift in the midst of this training. i move my body and i do not think about how i look as i move. i simply know i am moving the way i was meant to move. and maybe, just maybe, i can begin to see this as beautiful.