home.

lake michigan view (photo by jonny) . august 2009

as i settle slowly back into the routine that is my life, my heart feels somewhat heavy as i wrap my mind around being so far across the country from my family yet again. yet, this is home. here. in washington with the tall tall evergreens and the cool august air and the backyard lavender and the tender sighs of millie. this is home. and i know, in my heart, that this distance is what has invited our time to be sweeter and, perhaps, a bit more open and full of light.ness. yes, the time is indeed sweeter. time with my dad and anne was full of laughter and sunsets and good food and late night miniature golf. time with my mom was short...just a few hours...but we had a delightful brunch and did a bit of shopping, and even though she has been through a bit these last few weeks as she has been the caregiver to her significant other after his sudden heart surgery, she still seemed lighter than i have seen in her in a long time, which made my heart happy.

after we said goodbye to my dad and anne when they dropped us off where we were staying in chicago and then again the next day after we said goodbye to my mom in the middle of water tower place, i turned to jon and leaned again his chest and started crying as i found myself inside feelings that seemed like a mixing bowl full of nostalgia and missing. now, as i settle back in, i realize that what i felt toward the end of this trip that seemed like nostalgia was really love.

in this realization, i find myself standing here, in this spot, in this moment, and i take a breath and find my footing. and i see that i am twirling inside the laughter and the listening and the light and the love and the heart that is open in the midst of it all.

yes, this is me.