in this moment.

the thoughts of this moment...

there is a foot firmly planted in my ribs yet again tonight. it feels like it is slowing prying them open. i am trying the exercise ball as my new chair to gently hold her like a hammock and invite her to turn turn turn to a better position. one month from today is her due date and more than likely we will be getting to her meet her (if not before then) around that date. i breathe through words like induce and instead focus on the image of dancing her down into my pelvis. this is something i learned about myself at our incredible birthing prep weekend workshop: i want my labor to be about the dancing. for some reason i was thinking i needed very calming music, but when we were invited to imagine dancing our babies down into our pelvises, i found my groove. i found my hips. yes. i have this image of early labor at home being about this dancing and moving and breathing. time for just me and jon to celebrate the journey we are on together and all that is to come. and of course, i know, oh how i know that i cannot know what things will be like when she decides or when someone else decides it is time for her to arrive. but, no one can stop me from the hoping and the positive energy i am pushing toward that moment when we first look at each other and know that yes, it is really happening. but right now this rib pain is breathtaking, literally, in its intensity. payback i suppose for my doing the same thing to my mother as she stood in front of students and taught thirty-four years ago. tonight, millie sleeps while jon grades and i write a bit and work a bit. it is nice. this little family all together. and even though i might be breathing through a little bit of pain, sighing at the idea of trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in when i head to bed soon, this little foot pushing into my ribs reminds me of this truth: i am so blessed