we breathe in, we breathe out (what is real)

our friend jules holds ellie's hand, holds us . october 9, 2010

with each breath, ellie is one step further on the healing path.

she breathes on her own.

she looks into our eyes.

she tells us her story.

and i stand beside her, catching it, holding the space, breathing in and out.

and as her heart heals, mine continues to somehow hold together with masking tape and purple thread pulled tight and dabs of glue and sticks from curly willows woven through here and there and the whispered prayers and blessings from so many lights in this world.

(thank you)

yes.

this is what is real.

my heart is full

flowers on kelly rae's dining room table (all the flowers in her house made me smile at every turn)

my heart feels full of so many good things this evening and i thought i would share a few...

i am bustling about gathering things for Reveal, the Be Present Retreat that will take place this week. i cannot wait to see the ready to dive into the good stuff faces of the participants and teachers. we are going to have so much fun. (and soon, very soon, i will be sharing sneak peeks into a few of the retreats that are to come in 2011.)

a big thank you to all who visited my shop during my gratitude special. oh my goodness it was such a treat to read the notes from shoppers who were so excited to receive a free simple soul mantra necklace chosen just for them. and because of all your support, we are going to be able to purchase a few things we need for the weeks to come and i am so very grateful for that. (insert a big photo of me with my arms open to envelop you in a hug.) the shop will close tuesday morning for a few weeks while i focus on the reveal retreat and then ellie jane's health needs.

last week, ellie and i took a quick trip to portland to visit kelly rae. it was such a treat to see my friend standing firmly in her motherhood journey as she awaits her son's birth day. and i feel so blessed to be walking beside her as we each learn about being a new mama. (and her new house is so beautiful! i am deeply inspired to do the nesting i didn't really find myself doing while pregnant. later this fall, i plan to pull out all the vintage linens i have been collecting for various projects and begin to actually use them in my own home.) and, we were also lucky enough to see jen and cean for a couple of hours before we left town. so nice to know i can take ellie on quick little road trips to get us out into the world a bit and connect with our extended support system.

friday evening, i turned up macy gray again and sang and danced with ellie. and she laughed the entire time. not kidding here. she laughed through the entire song. it was pure bliss. her laughter and her happy nature feel like such a contrast to her health stuff...but yet here she is giggling her way through a song about how no matter what is happening, there is beauty in the world. 

and today, in this moment, i am holding on to the wise words of jen lemen that fear can be a gift and resting inside the truth that things are unfolding exactly as they should.

yes yes yes.

this night.

 

scenes from this night

our little family together...

in this moment {i know}

in this moment, i know that standing inside friendship can bring me right back to me.

(thank you)

::home::

 

breathing in the fresh air of home . july 18, 2010

thank you for surrounding us with light and love.

yes.

my heart knows we are so blessed, and i am so grateful for the way so many have kept us in their thoughts...

i am on the cusp of that feeling where just one person's gentle touch or kind word or invitation to be seen might send me into a puddle...and so i try to sleep to give my mind and heart a rest...

our "new normal" continues, but we are home. 

we are home.

more soon...

blessings,

liz

realness. (rambles of a sleepy mind)

our days are upside down. what i wear for the day becomes my pajamas as what i wear for the day means yoga pants and a nursing tank. maybe it is that i am wearing my pajamas all day but putting them on in the morning or at noon instead of in the evening. sometimes i snap at jon because my brain seems mushy. not an excuse, just real. then i notice that he looks as tired as i feel and i try not to snap the next time. the burst of energy to create or do something fun comes around 9 PM, when miss ellie decides she has the same burst of energy but hers manifests as a need to cry. one book said that after having the whole day filled with newness (as my brother says, each moment for a newborn is filled with "why? why? why?" which makes me think of the seagulls in finding nemo saying "mine. mine. mine.") the little ones have a need to cry as a simple let down from it all. who knows if that is true as, of course, there are more opinions than there are babies it seems...but i do think about our adult need to sometimes cry just because after a long day filled with stuff and learning and new.ness. yes. i might have that need at any moment lately. i don't think people honor the truth of how shocking it is to have surgery while awake. this is a phrase that has been running through my mind. and to have that surgery while you are awake when you have been awake for 36 hours, when you spent 24 of those in intense labor...well, not many people talk about that. maybe they do but they just don't talk about it to the people who need their wisdom. or so it seems. is that too much information to share in this public place? will the judgement begin when the story is not even known? deep breath. i would love it if the sun would come out again this afternoon. she appeared yesterday afternoon out of no where so we sat outside for dinner with ellie in her bouncy seat and it was really wonderful. i hope for more moments just like that one. maybe today, as the delightful miss viv will be in the house (how lucky i am to have friends who get me and want to spend the night even though a newborn is in the house and might prevent a long night of sleep) and it would be superb if we could eat the berries + whipped cream i have been dreaming about while sitting on quilts outside in the sunny rays of early evening. that would be perfect. trying to decide if i am going to keep sewing today during those bursts of free time or if i want to bring out the paints. am working on a few new designs for the shop inspired by time with miss ellie. funny how even in this sleepy-mind time i have had more new ideas for what i want to create than i had all of last year. we have rearranged some of the house and have the big dining room table in a place where we can actually use it. it can be a table for eating, sewing, grading, painting, and how the list goes on. finally. we are figuring it all out. together. this family thing. we are figuring it out...

and i can't get this song out of my head...have loved it for years (though eleanor was named after someone, not this song) and found the video on youtube and just had to share...(a song that has groovy rhyming with movie AND the word etcetera? what more could a girl want?)

hope things are beautiful in your world...thanks for reading the ramblings of mine...

(a few) expressions of miss ellie jane

the waiting.

we are waiting and timing and breathing and sharing hopes and putting our wishes for this little one out into the world and continuing to finish her room and enjoying time with my mom and showering millie the wonder dog with lots of love and cleaning a bit and gathering and nesting and breathing and dancing and trying to just soak up the hours, days we have until we meet her...

thank you for holding us in your thoughts...

over the next couple of weeks, a few of my blog friends are going to share words with you in some guest posts. i think you are going to enjoy the invitations and musings and personal stories shared here. i will be checking in every now and then to update on the happenings in our little corner of the world...

many blessings,

liz